Dec 2, 2018

I have been Used By, Compromised Many Times too. I am Setting Myself Free. Are you Setting Yourself Free?

Saurabh Chawla | | | 0 Comments|
Life has many phases. You have to go through all of them. The day you are born till the day you die, you would have spent your life in both measurable and immeasurable experiences. Most of the times, the thing that often comes in mind, is how much you tolerated or compromised yourself for the other person. It doesn't matter what was the position of that person and yours too at that point of time.
There always comes a point when one says that yes, I am not able to compromise anymore. It can be due to your observing the things from another person's perspective or because of your own, open-eyed perspective to which you were one blind way long back.


I-have-had-enough-now-not-anymore

Whatever the case may be, a time comes when you feel that you have been weighed down all the time till now and your compromises are just looked down as you being a weak, loser kind of a person. The result, a big blow to your self-esteem, self-confidence, in short, to your self-worth!

It happens in everybody's life. You feel dejected, unloved, disliked by all not because you are but because the image created by you by your compromises, sacrifices for others is like that of a weak person. The perception created is such that others simply start taking you for granted.

What can you do if stuck in such a situation? I have been in this situation a lot many times but now, I feel that its high time to stop thinking on it and do something about this and I would like to share it with you all below -

1. Realization

The very first step in this process is to realize that yes, it is the actual problem for which you are seeking a solution. The point here is to be conscious. If you don't realize it, you will keep repeating your actions subconsciously.

If you observe closely, even a doctor can't treat your illness till the time you realize or accept that yes, you have a problem. Realization is the first and foremost thing if you want to get out of this feeling once and for all.

2. Draw the line

Once you have realized that you have a problem of compromising every time and have a feeling of being used, simply sit down with a piece of paper and write down your traits for which you feel you usually feel being used or it's in your nature to compromise for.

If you recall and write down these situations, you will be able to draw the line to what is the limit up to which you can tolerate it and what happens if you go beyond that.

3. Learn to say the word 'No'

The word 'No' is in the English dictionary for a purpose, so make use of it. What you are currently doing is following 'Yes theory'. The point here is not saying yes at all but when you really need to.

Learn to say no to things which you really don't like doing or want to stay away from all the time. Yes, there will come the time when you have to face the situations or the people that make you uncomfortable but that would not be frequent. Moreover, a little discomfort is also necessary as it tests your limits.

So start saying no and see what difference it makes overall.

4. Weigh your priorities

People, especially in India as I have observed are very discouraging. Earlier, I used to get very sad, depressed by such behaviors of them but now, as the times have changed, I am neutral and sometimes laugh at some of them. I don't let them affect my thinking.

The reason why I am able to do that is that I simply realize that they can't match my wavelength. It's like saying, we all sleep under the same sky but we all see it through different eyes.

Weighing your priorities helps you in many ways especially the impact of what that person is saying to you.

5. Don't run away

This is essential. The main thing about all of this is that you can't run from the truth. Take responsibility for your actions and accept that you also played a role in being compromised or used as you think you are. You allowed yourself too to some extent whether consciously or subconsciously into acting the way you wanted to act.

This way you could keep a track of your actions and train your subconscious accordingly. You would be able to say that I have had enough and I am not born to compromise. That day, you will set yourself free.

Is there a time when you felt that you have had enough and want to get away with it? Share your experiences in the comments section below.

Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash

Nov 27, 2018

I have been Weighed Down, Now I am Bouncing Back. Are you Bouncing Back too?

Saurabh Chawla | | | 5 Comments|


Life revolves around many factors. You have to deal with many aspects of life. Those aspects can be relationships, studies, health, emotional states and several other factors that collectively constitute life.

All the people are surrounded by problems. If they don't have a problem, they create one so they can deal with it and have that sense of achievement. There is also another class of people who tend to run away from their problems.

Most of the problems nowadays are cooked by them in their head, the remaining ones are due to the fact that they let someone or something to weigh them down.

Yes, it's happening! If you sit back and think about it, you will realize that it's the truth. I too have been weighed down many times, I ran from my problems as I sensed that at that time, I was not able to face them only to find out that it is only chasing me and becoming bigger than ever.

weighed-down

When I observed closely, I am not alone fighting my own inner and outer battles. There are countless number of people dealing with the problems day in and day out.

The issues they are facing because of their own superficial problem(s) created by them, they need to address it by their own selves. By delving deep within themselves or their memories which are responsible for this issue. Yes, most of the times it's a memory or an experience that led to the problem at hand.

Next comes the problems which are because of external factors i.e. when you allow someone or something to overpower you or in other words, to weigh you down. This can be done by anybody, be it your parents, a friend of yours, your girlfriend or boyfriend, your wife or husband, your in-laws etc.

There are 'n' number of things or people that can weigh you down. The reason you get carried away by them is not that that you allow them but they capitalize on some of the factors that I will be mentioning below.

1. Fears

The first thing that everybody is playing with is fear. The fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of being lost, the fear of being left abandoned, fear of death and other fears. 

Now, most of you would be thinking that this something internal, own problem. You need to think about it again. These fears are not by birth. Almost all of the fears are fed when you are a child and you carry them with you till your adulthood. Unfortunately, most carry it till their death.

I am not saying that a person should be fearless and put their hands in the fire but yes they should be able to differentiate between the realistic fears and unrealistic fears.

2. Inferiority Complex

The second factor which is again fed by this society to you is considering yourself inferior to someone over you be it in age or position.

The worst thing these people do to you is to push you down every time you try to rise up. The reason, 'I was not able to do it, how can he do it?' mentality.

They get this inferiority complex on seeing you rising in front of them. The best way is to keep doing what you are doing and ignore such people completely or if it can't be done simply move out of the place. These people as so toxic and poisonous that they will only take rest after finishing you.

3. Distractions

Yes, they are everywhere. Distractions are becoming a major factor that is weighing you down. Distractions can be in any form and the worst is that they are addictive! Your social media addiction, porn addiction, alcohol, smoking and several others.

Addiction is a very deep, serious topic of discussion and can be of extreme severity. The role these distractions play in weighing you down can be known after analyzing what is your distraction source and the time spent on that thing.

4. Lifestyle Choices

The way you choose your lifestyle also has a role in weighing you down. Living a lavish lifestyle, luxuries of the world, exotic travels, expensive assets etc.all come a huge cost.

The problem with today's generation is that they want it all at any cost and as fast as they can. The actual issue, they don't want to work hard for it!

They end up committing a crime or worst committing suicide when they see that the journey is way too long and the destination is not visible.

5. Past  

This is something that haunts everybody. It is actually the subset of fears but I have kept it separate as past doesn't consist of fears alone, but good experiences as well.

Both, a fearful past and good experiences can be a big obstacle in your growth. Living in past is a slow poison that will leave you with no option but to stay where you are and die a slow death. It's no less than a trap.

I have been limited by all of the above factors and I am trying to correct all of the things but I know it takes time. So I am dealing with it with patience.

What are the things that are weighing you down? Mention them in the comments section below.

Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash
  

Oct 22, 2018

Life through Thick and Thin

Saurabh Chawla | | 0 Comments|





life through thick and thin

Life moving forward
Faster into the future
Like the foreword
Making it smoother

Compromising everytime
Living behind the bolted doors
As to make the outdoors begrime
Trying to settle the scores

The kiss of life
Sometimes too smooth to handle
Sometimes dealing with strife
As if acting like a vandal

Forgetting about the pain
Recalling the old times
Praise and arraign
For the old crimes

The flame that may rise
Burning a candle within
From the lows and highs
Penetrating through thick and thin.....

Photo by Ravi Roshan on Unsplash
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