Nov 7, 2020

Don't Wake Me Up Ever Again

Saurabh Chawla | | |

 

failure-quote-saurabh-chawla
 

"Wake up! It's sunrise." Someone screamed at me in the dawn. In deep slumber, I had no intention to wake up and face the demons of the haunted house again. Life literally plays hide and seek with me and somehow I have also started enjoying it.

Tried a lot to speak out but as I elucidated in my previous post, counting my failures is not my cup of tea anymore because they are too many. Carrying miserable myself everywhere, knocking every door I can to seek refuge, but sometimes life, like the tongue can be betraying.

From dawn to dusk, I do it all over again incessantly every single day. Watching all laugh at the fool called me is no surprise as I have started doing the same, I laugh at myself whenever I do something that doesn't seem to be of this world.

Please me not

The pleasing material I have become, like a puppet with strings held by multiple personalities out there. I try to find myself but all I see is darkness. Hiding, deep down I pray for this misery to end but all my efforts go in vain.

Being the favorite child of the so-called God as I am told every time I am laughed at for that failed attempt to please somebody. I reluctantly inhale the smoke from the fire by burning down the place I once lived in, but still the riot deep inside seems to not end as it decides to move on.

I only realized after closing in on the personalities holding me, it was a disguise and I was being played by God. As my favorite child, I have to please him with every breath I take. No one cares how many times I fall or even if I will wake up or not the next morning, the show must go on.

Admonished every time I try to change my path, I embrace the painful, pitiful journey with a smile on my lips. If he is anywhere listening to me, I am in and would do anything but to please you.

Tie me up

Mundane life seems boring but to have the bread and butter, getting back to the things I do is important to live. No one cars whether I love doing it or not. Think about a lion is left in a green pasture with no one to pounce on.

Anyone can imagine the fate of the lion but no one can feel the pain of the lion. Again, one of the so-called trap laid down by the father called God to tie me down so I am not able to move around. A plea from the favorite child which I know will again fall to deaf ears, tie me so tight that I cannot breathe anymore and leave this stormy world peacefully.

Revelations bring me closer to hell

Digging down deeper in the pages of the book of my worthless life, I enjoy and laugh as I finish every chapter and so wish to be closer to hell. The turmoil drags me down every time I try to keep my eyes off. Solving mysteries, I cannot find the missing clues anywhere.

As life unfolds in front of me, I may have already left for hell seeking refuge from the incessant torture tearing me apart.  I rather not invite you to travel with me on this journey as I like to do it alone all by myself.

Wrapping it up

Ultimately, you are allowed to lay in rest, go wherever you want as you no longer can bear the pain of the torments that you have been through.

Running away from it doesn't work because it is inevitable. I somehow regret being not able to face this sooner when I was absolutely close to the end, so close that I could see it a couple of inches apart.

I may hurt you, but I also feel the pain. Bruised skies bring the rain. It's true that I try really hard, but all my efforts go in vain! 

Think about this when the next time you try to wake me up because i no longer wish to see the dawn of the day.

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